Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
