would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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