she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In America we eat man semen.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
