I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
