im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
