Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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