You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
