did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
