lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
