she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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