she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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