it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Randomize
