New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The feeling are messing with the penis
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
