i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
