Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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