I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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