I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
