There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
