Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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