We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
