Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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