direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
