i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
