if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
