...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
