the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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