You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
