The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
