He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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