Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
