omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
