I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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