I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
