The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
