Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Enjoy the penises
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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