I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
