I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
