Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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