Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
