The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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