Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
