he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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