my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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