You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
