? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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