you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
