No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
