They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
