The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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