I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
